It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
