I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
