You made me cry and you don't even care
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
