if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
