cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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