Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
