Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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