Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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