Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
