my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
