So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
