That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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