My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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