Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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