Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
