he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
