i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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