When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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