I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
