I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
