someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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