Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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