guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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