I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
