I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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