Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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