i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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