if you like me you must not know who I am
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
