Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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