um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
