Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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