I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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