This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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