wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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