some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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