and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
