New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
