if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
