I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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