did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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