so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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