I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
