everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
