chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
