Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
