You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The power of my boobs compel you
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
