I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.