I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
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Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
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I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult