What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?