I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.