i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.