the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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