If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
