There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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