she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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