using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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