i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
