She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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