Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
