put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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