yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
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THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
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I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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