it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
