those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
