Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
