My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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