we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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