I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize